Follow the crumbs

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love + light

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”
– C.C. Scott

Another trip around the sun


It’s been a while.

Because I’m okay.

Today I turn 45. When my mom turned 45 I made her a huge sign – You are 9 times Adrianna and 5 times Caleb. She was so young. I realize, now, she probably didn’t feel so young. What a long, strange trip this has been.

I finished PT and OT. No lymphedema. I’m able to move my arm around, not without discomfort, but I can do it. My skin on my right side is tight, and in places very hard. I have weird mounds of skin in the front and on the side. It’s still very tender on my rib cage, probably due to radiation. And still very red.

No issues with menopause, post oopherectomy. The new drug I’m on (for the next 10 years) makes my joints ache. It’s managable. Anastrozole. It blocks estrogen production from the adrenal gland (since I no longer have ovaries).

Next month I will be 1 year cancer-free. May 26th is the anniversary of my double mastectomy. I will be visiting with all of my doctors for my one year check in next month, as well – surgeon, plastics, gynecology, oncology and radiation. I’ve decided not pursue further reconstruction, but instead deconstruction. When I see the doctors, I’m going to explore taking the last breast mound out and flattening out my right side. Flat & Fabulous it’s called. I’ve joined a support group with others who have also made this decision, to see how they are handling the transformation. For me, what I have now isn’t right. I don’t like the expander’s reaction to my muscle – I can squeeze and contort the saline bag inside by flexing my pectoral muscle. Though I make an excellent candidate for Late Night TV’s stupid human tricks, it all just feels foreign. Reconstruction from this point is super intensive. Moving skin from someplace else to “create” a breast mound. It all sounds horribly painful. And, let’s be frank, I’ve had enough of “what could go wrong.”

So, there you have it. Sometime in the fall, I’ll have one last “big” surgery. And then, let’s hope, by this time in 2018 I’m planning my trips around the world – Bali – Krumlov – Amafi Coast.

Much love from the birthday girl to you all. Love the ones your with.

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