Follow the crumbs

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love + light

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”
– C.C. Scott



I came in this morning for infusion. On my way in I chatted with my primary surgeon, to see if she could see me while I was at Rush. She asked how I was, since Saturday. I told her I’m basically the same. Still swollen. Less red, a bit hot. She said they must see me before infusion to check the site. One of the drugs I get can cause my white blood cell count to plummet, and since I’m fighting off an infection, it could make me septic.

She sent me to her office, at 7:15, to meet her nurse. Then she sent my plastic surgeon, and his Fellow. And in a matter of 10 minutes it was suggested that the radiation damage was so extensive that my implant needs to come out. We could do it today, wait a week, or wait a month for this thing to turn around, but in that process I was at risk for all sorts of other issues, and it was already beginning to fill with fluid again.

Both Dr. K and his side kick agreed they could get me in today. So with a heavy heart, I agreed. Dr. M, my primary surgeon, called me on my way to admissions, tears streaming down my face, and reassured me there would be other ways to build a boob. The implant will not be an option for this space moving forward. My skin is tough and thick from radiation. The open wounded skin will need to be removed and the remaining pulled together tightly to heal. To heal. To finally heal.

The surgery went quickly. Michelle saw me in. Bill saw me out. There were a few more tears before, during and after. Not so much out of sadness, but more out of exhaustion. I’ve been more in the hospital then out this last week. I haven’t slept a lot. And my journey’s far from over. Bill brought up some soup for snack, then ran home to gather everybody up from Martha’s and Carmen’s (Thank you Miss Marfa!! Thank you Miss Carm!!!) and Shelly came with sushi a little later and helped me walk the floor and get the feeling back in my legs.

Tomorrow the Fellow, Dr. B, will greet me early in the morning, show me what he did with what he had to work with, and let me know if I can go home. Tomorrow is a new day. And at some point this week I’ve got to get this elusive infusion my body is working so hard to not let me have, which I really, really need.

Tomorrow is a new day.

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