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love + light

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”
– C.C. Scott

Two infusions

Christy called today, my chemo nurse. The insurance approved both HER+ drugs to continue. So instead of having just Herceptin I’ll also get Pertuzumab. These are not chemo drugs. They are targeted treatments for the HER+ trait. Each is half hour only. So a short trip to Rush.

Why does it matter? It means a whole year of diarrhea for me. Thanks. I was so happy about being done with all this nonsense. A little too soon.

I relayed my disappointment to Christy. It’s draining. She agreed. She called me back about 20 minutes later when she learned that the percentage of likelihood for that side effect with this new two drug combination drops by half. So, that’s better. But still. It’s really old.

My first 2 drug infusion is May 25th. Day before surgery. Side effects probably won’t be pertinent this time, since I’ll be on so many pain killers and narcotics, the combo won’t be true. We did agree to revisit the two drug combo with the oncologist later in the cycle, after my body evens out and I’ve had a chance to live through it a couple times.

The emotional toll of this all is starting to catch up to me. I went to see my sister this weekend. I needed to go by myself. I cried a lot. A lot on the way up. A little while I was there. A lot on the way home. Seem to have started a faucet. I’m nervous, I think. Mourning my losses. Tired of being tired. A little scared of not knowing how this is all going to be when it’s done. And feel. And look.

Not angry. Not exactly sad. Super emotional.

The process is long. And its always changing. And the parts I want to change don’t change in my favor. Stuff keeps getting added.

I’m only really just getting started and it’s getting old.

3 Comments

  1. Katie Stadler

    Oh, you! I’m so glad you’ve had a good cry. No one expects you to process it all at once, and no one really expects you to be brave and funny all the time either.

    Thank you for sharing this journey with us and for the raw honesty. I am so very glad you have a sister to cry with.

    Loving and thinking of you constantly in the days and weeks to come. It won’t always be like this. I promise.

    Xo,
    Katie

  2. Janet3

    Glad that you were able to get some time alone and visit your sister!

    Sorry to hear of all the emotions you have going on. Wish I could do something to make this all go away!

    Try to stay strong! Love ya gf!

    Here for you if I can do anything!

  3. Polly Snodgrass

    You have traveled this difficult road with more grace than would seem possible. Please count me among the many who are thinking of you, hoping for you, and anxiously awaiting the news that you are on the other side of this ordeal.
    💕Polly

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