Follow the crumbs

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love + light

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”
– C.C. Scott

black friday

Still feel it. Rooting around to see if other areas feel the same. When was my last breast exam? When was the last mammogram. A lot has happened this year. Did that happen? Is that really a lump? Or is it a bump? Is something? It’s not a frozen pea. It’s super annoying. Fuck. What do I do. Arm up over my head. Hand in my shirt, under my bra – my new position of choice for the next week.

We gather the troops, eat a big eggs and bacon breakfast with PaPaPa and Butz and Kase, and then head home to Chicago for Madison’s tournament game. We get home at 11. 11:10 I pull Bill up the stairs and into the bedroom, “I need to talk to you.”

I sit on his side of the bed, turn to face him, and well up. “I found a lump.” Ugh.

I assume the position, arm dangling over my head, and he dives in to root around. Yep. He feels it too. “Now what?”

Bill calls the doctor. Dr. Primary thinks we should rule out and infection. Go see an immediate care place and have them take a look/feel/assessment. Seems reasonable. Bill agrees. We should do that. There’s a small window of time between this moment of clarity and Madison’s tournament game. So, I go see Susan. She’s got a table I might want, need to check it out in person. She can feel it and tell me I’m nuts. Hopefully she’s alone. She texts back, “Yes, alone. Workman at the house. I’m at Chick fil A, come in 15 minutes.”

I drive over to her new house, grab her hand, lead her to her bathroom and plunge it in. “Yep. I feel it.” Susan is no-bullshit. We need a plan. What should we do. I tell her of our plans to see our primary, she says her schedules free to take me, if I need it. We hug. I make her check again. Yep. There.

After the game Bill and I head over the Loyola Immediate Care. I’m teary. Nervous. Streaming out my eyes nervous. They get us in within minutes. I’m naked on the table within 20. The young doctor comes in and does a breast exam. He’s not sure what he’s looking for. We don’t give details. Lump in breast. Have at it. Doesn’t take long for him to figure it out, too. He’s frank. No idea. Need diagnostic mammogram. Get on it right away.

What now. We call our primary back, tell him what the dude said. We get a Wednesday appointment at Northwestern. So, a few days of waiting. More arm over the head, fondle the right breast action. And, waiting.

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